This can't be life...can it?

Lately I have been really frustrated with my size. I want to be thin again. I just cannot seem to find my motivation. I want to lose this weight for me and no one else. My reasoning may be shallow in that I want to look and feel good about myself again but oh well.

I have been looking at before and afters to get some inspiration and also joining a few websites geared to fitness and weight loss. I'm also going to attempt to faithfully start blogging again.

I know since I'm out of my 20's it will be more difficult but I know that I can do this (she has said for 10 years now) I just need to stick with it.

Yesterday, I decided that I was going to start Insanity and there is most definitely truth in that name. I was insane to think that I could do it because I only managed to finish about 6 minutes of it and I was pooped and that was just the warm up lol. This was me That is definitely something that I will have to work up to. Haha. I ended up doing Hip Hop Abs and although I didn't find it challenging at all at least I was up and moving.

Now, I just need to get the battery changed in my Polar and It will be on and popping. I have realized that I am a visual person and I need to see my heart rate as I'm working out, I need to see progress on the scale(yeah I know bad) and I also need to see the results of others.

I'm also a competitive person in the sense that I don't want everyone to lose weight and leave me behind to be the big girl so that is always motivation for me. I have some family members that are getting back into fitness and I'll be damned if I'm left behind. I had been dragging my feet and trying to wait around for my son to start p90x but he is even more full of excuses than I am.

He's either too sleepy, or too hungry or he just got on the internet or I always come at the wrong time and a whole host of other reasons. I'm just going to have to go it alone. Honestly, My problem is not starting but sticking with it..

As of now, I have tentative plans to vacation in Florida in March and I am determined that I will be out of the 200s by then. I currently weight 231.8. I weighed myself this morning after I ate (I'll check again tomorrow before I eat for accuracy) so I am hoping to at least lose 32 pound by then .

My face is huge complete with double chin and all, my collarbones are non existent, and my belly looks as if I'm pregnant. This cannot be life!


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