Yesterday, I experienced the dreaded wake up call

Yesterday was such a  wake up call for me...not that I really needed one as I do know just how fat I am but yesterday just seemed to take thing to a whole new level.  I just posted about how proud I am that I've managed to work out consistently last month and then this happens.

I went to a graduation yesterday and found myself having nothing to wear.  Of course, I put together several outfits in my my mind and even tried them on and felt that I looked good in them, however the mirror told a different story.  I ended up changing my white capris and striped belted blouse for black, dressier capris and a short sleeved (almost sleeveless)peasant top, which I also felt didn't look that great but was the lesser of two evils.  After the ceremony, I decided to take pictures with the graduate and lawd, I looked awful.  Now I've seen photos of myself often and recently as I do take before photos as well as progress photos.  I guess since I'm mostly unclothed in was such a shock when I saw myself with clothes on and it was not a pretty sight.  Weird that I'm more accepting of my body unclothed than I am with clothes on  lol but anyway, those pictures have me seriously wondering what I am doing wrong in this journey.  I know that I need to change my eating habits and I do plan to work on that and I really hope to have some success.

 Someone finally said aloud what I always thought and have said before and that is..."why is everyone having success but me?"  I have a cousin who isn't nearly as big as I am who just started her journey and has already lost 25lbs.  She probably weighs about 140 at the most which gives you some idea of her starting point.  Granted, I don't know what she is doing but whatever it is it is working. I can workout and workout and still not drop a pound..even when I am paying attention to my diet and it is very frustrating.  I also see women who weigh way more than  I do(upper 200's and 300+ lbs) who have also managed to lose tons of weight and are now closer in weight to me.  It really gets to me sometimes. 

Back to the photos, I have a relative who loves to send pics to everybody so when I took my photo with the graduate...I asked  said relative not to take a pic of me because I didn't want it to be sent to anyone.  This person clearly had an attitude because I asked and replied "they know what you look like" (which I am well aware of since the people she intended to send the pics too were here a month or so ago and I took pic with them as well)  Needless to say, I found the comment hurtful but  true.  I'm embarrassed by the way I look and I didn't want people to see me.  There, I said it,  but to have  this relative say it made my blood boil. I was plotting evil things in my had to exact my

Anyway, this was just weighing on me and I had to let it out and what better place to do that than here!

Getting it right,

Month 2...Hello June

Well, today is June second and wraps up month one of my fitness challenge/journey.  I can say that I am actually quite proud of myself.  As you know, I started this journey on May 5th and while I can't say that I've worked out every single day  since then, I can say that I managed to work out at least 3-5 days out of the week and sometimes even 7 days.  The downside is that I  didn't lose any weight other than the same 1 or 2 pounds that I keep gaining and losing over and over gain...yes, I know it's such a vicious cycle  but that is entirely my fault as I wasn't really regulating my nutrition at all...which is my goal for this month.

I'm going to incorporate some dietary changes and I will also attempt to log my meals for at least seven days this month so that I can have an idea of exactly how many calories I am consuming.  So far this morning I've had a green smoothie and a multi vitamin ( which I've discovered that I've been taking wrong all of this time)   I've been taking 1 caplet a day when the actual serving size is 3 caplets per day.  grrrr.  I shall learn to read directions next time.

I'm also going to incorporate more weightlifting  this month as I only did 3 days last month so my plans quickly fell by the wayside. Anyway, I'm heading off to my Zumba class. which starts at 8:30

 Getting it right,