Yesterday, I experienced the dreaded wake up call

Yesterday was such a  wake up call for me...not that I really needed one as I do know just how fat I am but yesterday just seemed to take thing to a whole new level.  I just posted about how proud I am that I've managed to work out consistently last month and then this happens.

I went to a graduation yesterday and found myself having nothing to wear.  Of course, I put together several outfits in my my mind and even tried them on and felt that I looked good in them, however the mirror told a different story.  I ended up changing my white capris and striped belted blouse for black, dressier capris and a short sleeved (almost sleeveless)peasant top, which I also felt didn't look that great but was the lesser of two evils.  After the ceremony, I decided to take pictures with the graduate and lawd, I looked awful.  Now I've seen photos of myself often and recently as I do take before photos as well as progress photos.  I guess since I'm mostly unclothed in was such a shock when I saw myself with clothes on and it was not a pretty sight.  Weird that I'm more accepting of my body unclothed than I am with clothes on  lol but anyway, those pictures have me seriously wondering what I am doing wrong in this journey.  I know that I need to change my eating habits and I do plan to work on that and I really hope to have some success.

 Someone finally said aloud what I always thought and have said before and that is..."why is everyone having success but me?"  I have a cousin who isn't nearly as big as I am who just started her journey and has already lost 25lbs.  She probably weighs about 140 at the most which gives you some idea of her starting point.  Granted, I don't know what she is doing but whatever it is it is working. I can workout and workout and still not drop a pound..even when I am paying attention to my diet and it is very frustrating.  I also see women who weigh way more than  I do(upper 200's and 300+ lbs) who have also managed to lose tons of weight and are now closer in weight to me.  It really gets to me sometimes. 

Back to the photos, I have a relative who loves to send pics to everybody so when I took my photo with the graduate...I asked  said relative not to take a pic of me because I didn't want it to be sent to anyone.  This person clearly had an attitude because I asked and replied "they know what you look like" (which I am well aware of since the people she intended to send the pics too were here a month or so ago and I took pic with them as well)  Needless to say, I found the comment hurtful but  true.  I'm embarrassed by the way I look and I didn't want people to see me.  There, I said it,  but to have  this relative say it made my blood boil. I was plotting evil things in my had to exact my

Anyway, this was just weighing on me and I had to let it out and what better place to do that than here!

Getting it right,


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