I went to a graduation yesterday and found myself having nothing to wear. Of course, I put together several outfits in my my mind and even tried them on and felt that I looked good in them, however the mirror told a different story. I ended up changing my white capris and striped belted blouse for black, dressier capris and a short sleeved (almost sleeveless)peasant top, which I also felt didn't look that great but was the lesser of two evils. After the ceremony, I decided to take pictures with the graduate and lawd, I looked awful. Now I've seen photos of myself often and recently as I do take before photos as well as progress photos. I guess since I'm mostly unclothed in them..it was such a shock when I saw myself with clothes on and it was not a pretty sight. Weird that I'm more accepting of my body unclothed than I am with clothes on lol but anyway, those pictures have me seriously wondering what I am doing wrong in this journey. I know that I need to change my eating habits and I do plan to work on that and I really hope to have some success.
Someone finally said aloud what I always thought and have said before and that is..."why is everyone having success but me?" I have a cousin who isn't nearly as big as I am who just started her journey and has already lost 25lbs. She probably weighs about 140 at the most which gives you some idea of her starting point. Granted, I don't know what she is doing but whatever it is it is working. I can workout and workout and still not drop a pound..even when I am paying attention to my diet and it is very frustrating. I also see women who weigh way more than I do(upper 200's and 300+ lbs) who have also managed to lose tons of weight and are now closer in weight to me. It really gets to me sometimes.
Back to the photos, I have a relative who loves to send pics to everybody so when I took my photo with the graduate...I asked said relative not to take a pic of me because I didn't want it to be sent to anyone. This person clearly had an attitude because I asked and replied "they know what you look like" (which I am well aware of since the people she intended to send the pics too were here a month or so ago and I took pic with them as well) Needless to say, I found the comment hurtful but true. I'm embarrassed by the way I look and I didn't want people to see me. There, I said it, but to have this relative say it made my blood boil. I was plotting evil things in my had to exact my revenge...lol.
Anyway, this was just weighing on me and I had to let it out and what better place to do that than here!
Getting it right,
